| Publishing Guidelines: Feel free to publish the | | | | 8. I will avoid explaining myself in any way by |
| followingarticle in its entirety in your ezine, | | | | saying, "Ihave no idea why I did that...it doesn't |
| website, or printnewsletter. The resource box | | | | make any sense tome either." |
| must be included with anactive link. Please send a | | | | (Notice that it does not say, "I will make sure |
| copy of the publication in whichthe article appears | | | | sheunderstands *my* point of view." Life can go |
| to: Word wrapto 60, (653 words) | | | | on without youbeing understood. |
| Words To Live By For The Recovering Rageaholic | | | | 9. I will listen sympathetically to my partner when |
| By Newton Hightower, LMSW-ACP | | | | shetells me about her day. |
| A rager, or rageaholic, is a person who is addicted | | | | (That means maintaining eye contact and turning |
| to theexpression of anger. While many people feel | | | | thetelevision off...not just on mute.) |
| better whenthey "let it all out" a rageaholic should | | | | 10. I will not give unsolicited advice to my wife |
| totally andcompletely abstain from expressing | | | | orchildren. |
| their anger. | | | | (That also means not asking questions such as, |
| If anger or rage is a problem for you or someone | | | | "Do you knowwhat you should do?" or "Do you |
| you love,the following creed will help get things | | | | want to know why thathappened?") |
| moving in a morepositive direction. Read this list | | | | 11. I will avoid blaming family members for |
| each morning beforebeginning your day: | | | | anything today,especially if it was their fault. |
| 1. I will practice self-restraint as a *top* | | | | (Instead, say things such as, "It's not your fault |
| prioritytoday. | | | | you ranout of gas. That stupid gas gauge shows |
| (Notice that it does not say, "I will practice | | | | there is gas whenthere isn't!") |
| standing upfor what is right.") | | | | 12. I will avoid trying to make any familymember |
| 2. I will act *the opposite* of how I feel, when | | | | "understand" anything. |
| angry. | | | | (You may find out that they don't want to |
| (Notice that it does not say, "I will share how I | | | | understand whatyou think is the moral or the |
| reallyfeel.") | | | | "truth" of some situation.) |
| 3. If I feel that my anger is about to erupt, I will | | | | 13. I will avoid trying to convince my child or |
| *quietly* leave the situation. | | | | spouse that |
| (Notice that it does not say, "I will stay around | | | | I am being fair. |
| andprocess my feeling.") | | | | (Enjoy the relief of *not* trying to convince your |
| 4. I will find truth in *all* criticisms directed | | | | teenagerthat you are being fair, and just |
| towardme today, especially from my partner. | | | | sympathize with them forhaving an unfair parent |
| (Notice that it does not say, "I will explain my | | | | that wants to ruin their lives.) |
| point ofview.") | | | | 14. I will look for an opportunity to sincerely |
| 5. I will say, "You are right," in a sincere, | | | | praiseeveryone I live with, especially the cat I |
| meaningfulway, when I am criticized. | | | | don't like. |
| (Notice that it does not say, "I will say, 'You are | | | | (Yes, every day! Pet the cat and say nice things |
| right,but...'") | | | | to it. Thechildren and your wife will know that you |
| 6. I will give an example of how the person who | | | | havechanged...insist that you have come to have |
| criticizedme is *right*. | | | | warm feelingstoward the cat.) |
| (Notice that it does not say, "I will point out | | | | 15. I will humbly commit myself to removing my |
| anexception to their observation.") | | | | angrybehaviors today, as my contribution toward |
| 7. I will repeat the following sentence to | | | | a more peacefulworld. |
| myselftoday: "I am better off being *wrong* | | | | (Realize that there is enough anger and grief in |
| because when I amright, I am dangerous." | | | | the worldwithout you adding to it.) |
| (Notice that it does not say, "I need to stand up | | | | Put this list on the refrigerator and ask your wife |
| formyself when I am right." That is in the | | | | andchildren to remind you about it. When they do, |
| self-helpliterature for depressed women. Rageful | | | | calmlysay, "You are right. I am sorry. I was |
| men are notdepressed women.) | | | | wrong. |